Republished from the show notes of my other site, Fuds on Film.
Another film where it would seem that the title pretty much describes the content of the film adequately enough. Certainly that’s the marquee attraction of it, although unfortunately Godzilla vs. Kong vs. A Bunch of Nonsense is a more correctly descriptive title.
Anyway, if you need further description of the nonsense elements, here you go. Large monkey Kong is being held in a secured containment facility by generic chaotic neutral science corp Monarch, and the film instantly loses me by not shortening “Kong Containment” to “Kongtainment”. DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE? Jeez. Kong’s being held because if large lizard Godzilla detects him, there will be a barney to establish who is the Alpha Titan. Now, some of you might be asking why Godzilla was happy enough to let Kong chill on Skull Island, but not anywhere else, and if so why would Monarch risk removing Kong from Skull Island, and I say to you, kiddo, if you’re going to pick plot holes in a film called Godzilla vs. Kong you’re in for a long night, and maybe ought to watch a film more based on established science, like The Core.
Meanwhile, lawful evil science corp Apex Cybernetics are up to something no good, according to Brian Tyree Henry’s swivel-eyed conspiracy theorist Bernie Hayes, a mystery which does indeed mysteriously attract the attention of Godzilla, who does a bit of patented stomping of their American facility. Millie Bobby Brown’s Madison Russell can’t bring herself to accept Godzilla’s heel turn and seeks, alongside Bernie, an explanation for this behaviour. Turns out it’s Mechagodzilla, telepathically controlled using reanimated tissue of General Zod. Sorry, Ghidora. Error in my notes there.
Further meanwhile, Apex have convinced Monarch to let them borrow Kong for an outing to the hollow earth in their alternate gravity shuttlecraft for some reason. Something to do with energy signatures to wirelessly charge Mechagodzilla I think, but the important thing, it says here, is that Godzilla finds a magic axe to fight the lizard with. Am I on drugs? Was this real? Where am I? Who is the President?
Axe in hand, Kong then fights Godzilla against a backdrop of Hong Kong skyscrapers with their RGB lighting set to Vapourwave until they realise that both their mother’s names were Martha and team up to fight Mechagodzilla, who, wouldn’t you know it, has gone evil. I am as surprised as you are.
Look, I am not yet so destroyed by cynicism that I cannot appreciate a solid CG showreel of action nonsense, and there’s about half an hour of solid CG thumpybattles and ludicrous destruction that appeals to me on a base level. Unfortunately this is a nigh on two hour film, and is diluted heavily with incoherent technodrivel spouted off by characters ultimately so inconsequential I’ve not even mentioned them in the recap, despite them having more screen time than the headline attractions.
I entirely understand this from a production and budgetary standpoint – it’s a lot cheaper per inch of film to animate Kyle Chandler than King Kong, but with respect to all involved, no-one’s signing up to see this film on the basis of Alexander Skarsgård vs Rebecca Hall. It’s Godzilla vs. Kong, but contains altogether too little of that and too much of Brian Tyree Henry’s teeth-grindingly irritating supposed comic relief.
I am, by this point, old enough and ugly enough to have seen much worse films attempting similar spectacle, but after the enjoyable Godzilla: King of the Monsters I had hoped this franchise had hit its stride. This is a definite stumble, if not a complete face plant. I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.