Date Movie

This review has been ‘repurposed’ from my other site, theOneliner.com

Date Movie – a time and motion study.

Sub par Napoleon Dynamite parody.

Alyson Hannigan in fat suit – comic genius!

Fat suits are clearly the greatest gift to comedy filmmakers everywhere. GUARANTEED LAUGHAGE, BABY!

I want to die.

I really want to die.

Hitch parody – he’s a foul-mouthed dwarf! Comic Genius!

Please let me die.

Pimp My Ride parody? Eh?

Does a Star Wars parody count as up to date these days? It certainly doesn’t count as funny, anyway

I’d like to cut Alyson Hannigan’s face off and launch it into the sun. It annoys me.

What am I doing with my life?

Yeah, because the fake orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally fits in seamlessly with the target audience for this film. The tween-to-teen demographic is just so down with the 1989 RomCom scene, when most of them weren’t even born.

I want to die. Make it stop. Make it stop!

Y’know, you can’t really do parodies of comedy films. It’s not going to work, especially if the films you’re parodying are about eleventy times better than the parody.

This world doesn’t deserve to continue. Not if it’s going to keep producing films like this. I recommend we take off and nuke the whole site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

Fart gags – but from a cat! Comic genius.

A cat humping a desiccated corpse. Um.

Fuck’s sake. Pretty Woman parody? Bang up to date.

I’m going to find them. Everyone involved in this. I’m going to find them and torture them. They will beg for mercy. They will receive none. They will beg to be killed, and then I shall show them the true meaning of pain. I will rip their souls apart.

Lord of the Rings parody? I say again, fuck’s sake.

You can take your Meet the Fockers parody and shove it up your arse. Seriously, having the family called ‘Focker’ wasn’t funny in the first place, changing it to ‘Funkyerdoder’ smacks of desperation. Which dovetails nicely, I suppose.

Jennifer Coolidge doing a Barbra Streisand impersonation. What fresh hell is this?

Right, that’s the second excessive body hair gag they’ve used. I call embargo.

Hahahha, J-Lo does have a big arse! It’s not-all-startlingly plain observations like this that makes this film the success it isn’t!

This is torture.

If there’s a redeeming feature to this film I haven’t found it. I suppose it might be a useful indicator for the cull I’m planning. If you liked this film, we can safely have you ‘recycled’ to provide nutrients for useful members of society.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith parody, I think. Thankfully dodged that bullet.

Man, this film could do with being two hours shorter.

What Women Want parody? That’s so obscure I can barely remember the name of the film it’s referencing.

Kill Bill / Dodgeball parody. The most laboured gag thus far! That’s really saying something.

The second bad dancing gag! I call embargo!

Maybe a course of leeches will reduce the pain. Physician!

Great, a musical number. Don’t they normally say to leave them on a song? Hopefully it’s going to end imminently.

I knew I wasn’t that lucky.

I feel contaminated, and faint. I think the leeches are being a little too greedy. Physician!

Hahahha, Owen Wilson does have a big nose! It’s not-all-startlingly plain observations like this that makes this film the success it isn’t!

King Kong parody? Seamless. Absolutely seamless.

My soul hurts.